never play flip cup with pint glasses
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we're making bets on your personal life
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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