It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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