operation harelip BJ is a go
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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