i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
