the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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