You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
