I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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