I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
