She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
