one might say we're banned from that church
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
