Can Purell be used as lube?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
