You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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