Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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