please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
