There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
