I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
