Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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