she was so not down for the gang bang
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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