I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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