A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
