i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
