i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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