Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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