Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
