Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We have started to decorate penises.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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