youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
