Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
