My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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