Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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