I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
