You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
