its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
