There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
