I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
