Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
