how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
