I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
