Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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