I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
