this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
