): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
