when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
