Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
