Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
