When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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