K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
