she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
