You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
