I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
