Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
